DEAR DUMB DIARY
FACT
Remember that thing on Facebook, where you're supposed to write 25 facts about yourself?
And remember how my facts were completely stupid and not about me at all?
Well, I also wrote real facts. Words without the mask of humour to hide their truth.
1. First of all, I am a natural redhead. Even though it's fairly obvious I thought I would say that seeing as people have asked me about it before.
2. Normal conversations don't do anything for me.
3. I hate people in general.
4. That most likely includes whoever is bothering to read this.
5. Actually, I hate everything in general.
6. Except alcohol.
7. And dreamless sleep.
8. Yes, I am online like 297346745273 hours a day.
9. I also read for most of that time.
10. I like being alone.
11. Most of the time, my speech is totally unrelated to my thought process, so, 'no, that is not all I think about'
12. I do not trust people.
13. I have a fucked up sleeping pattern. Particularly during the school terms.
14. I like to think that it is because I procrastinate everything, including waking up.
15. I hate waking up.
16. Or maybe it's because I feel the need to balance school and leisure so I don't go insane. More insane..
17. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I was suffering from some random mental illness.
18. I don't like silence. Music is my background noise.
19. Weird things amuse me.
20. Pain is nice.
21. I am a pessimist.
22. I'm incredibly lazy, so therefore anything that requires effort is not worth doing.
23. I don't wear makeup 'cause I'm a whore (I'm not a whore =.=), I wear makeup because I hate how I look.
24. People that are stupid &/or happy really annoy me.
25. I'm not like you.
Satisfied?
KITTY
So, there I was, walking home at 3am in the morning from Jess’s house. Jess walked with me for part of it.
There was a grey cat (also unlike the picture above) wandering down the street... searching for entertainment? What do cats do to waste their time? At 3am?
Anyway, so Jess crouches down and makes noises, calling to it. It didn’t move. But as soon as I bent down it immediately looked at me and rushed towards me. There we were, patting a random person’s cat in the middle of the night.
Then Jess goes back home, and she says, “The kitty will walk you home.”
I laughed.
But it did. It walked with me. Sometimes ahead of me. Sometimes I had to call it to follow me. But it still did.
It stopped across the road from my house, so I sat with it for a bit and patted it. I felt like lying there on the road, watching the stars with this random cat. But I didn’t.
I didn’t want to leave it. But I did anyway. I walked to my front porch and it was still sitting there in the night, staring at me. All I could see were its eyes glowing in the darkness, locked on me. For a few moments before I went inside, I was standing there, and the cat was sitting across the road, and we were just staring at each other. It was almost like we had a connection, a freaky cat-person connection. Or maybe it was just a trick of the night.
Somehow the night makes things appear magical, unreal.
About an hour later I heard what suspiciously sounded like a cat shrieking, and that worried me.
Weird.
I don’t even like cats.
Do you like my posts that don't relate to anything whatsoever?
Or the ones that, on the surface, don't relate to anything - the ones that, if you look deeper, mean a lot..? Not this. Do you notice what I'm trying to say? Do you even want to know what I'm trying to say?
There will be more.
Oh, there will be more.
Labels: pointless
INCOMPLETE
Something from a while ago,,
One night last holidays when I went for a walk/jog along the beach, the moon was so big and orange (unlike the picture above). And I got to thinking how it's been there for, like, billions of years. And I know it's stupid, but I felt sorry for it, like it must be suffering a long and lonely life with nothing but the wonderful view of space. That's assuming it has a good view, anyway. Maybe all it can see is pitch black.
Anyway, one moment I looked up to the horizon and there was the moon hovering above the water. Then the next moment it just disappeared. Kind of like a person - one moment they'll be important and bright and it's only natural to assume they'll always be there, in your life. But then they're just gone.
So, at one stage, I'm walking along the shore and I go past this guy playing guitar. What he was playing was just so beautiful, and for a few moments, walking with the sand beneath my feet and the sound of the waves crashing and the moon whole, it felt like nothing mattered. The universe was in sync and I was part of it; it felt so good.
When I came back past him, I was hoping he'd still be playing. But just as I got near him it started raining lightly and he got up and left. And then I remembered everything wasn't okay and I just wanted to sit there and cry.
MEMORIES
The human mind is an amazing thing. Stupid, but undoubtfully amazing. How is it that so much information, emotions, thoughts and memories can be stored in there?
It's amazing how there can be something is always present in the back of one's mind, no matter how much they wish to forget.
For some, the majority of the time, it seems empty. But then something significant - a smell, a sight, a sound, a taste - appears and triggers memories, suddenly everything just flows back in, and it's almost like you're living them all over again.
Looking back on some things we've done, our mind clearly remembers them happening, but then, we begin to question ourselves - how we ever could have done such a thing?
It's like we don't even know who that person was that was in control of our mind back then. It's like we've actually become a new person over all the years. One that doesn't even recognise our past selves.
I guess it's fitting, since though we often fear change, we embrace it. What could anyone possibly want to be stuck with for all of their life?
And yet, thinking of memories, we seem to yearn for them. There are just so many things no one seems willing to let go of. Maybe it's just that they're so far gone, so unreachable, that we want to experience them again. After all, people always seem to want what they can't have.
So, I'm looking back on times in my life. Some of which, I seem to imagine like they were the best days ever. But after thinking harder, I realise that my memory is bullshit.
Those times weren't all that great in the first place, and I have no reason to miss them.
Labels: pondering
BLOGSPOTSo, I have finally gotten blogspot, because (though I hate to admit it) everyone else seems to have it.
From reading some other peoples' blogs I've noticed how much it can actually reveal about a person. Hopefully mine won't do that, because honestly, there are so many things I don't want people to know about me. Going on here and blogging about everything that's on my mind would screw that up. Don't get me wrong - I'll still write some of my thoughts, just not the ones I want people to know about.
This will probably limit my amount of posts and their entertainment value, but that shouldn't really matter since this is
my blog, and I'm going to write it how I want to.
"Hold it in, hold it in, these words are better left unsaid."
Remember that thing on Facebook, where you're supposed to write 25 facts about yourself?
So, there I was, walking home at 3am in the morning from Jess’s house. Jess walked with me for part of it.
Something from a while ago,,
The human mind is an amazing thing. Stupid, but undoubtfully amazing. How is it that so much information, emotions, thoughts and memories can be stored in there?