1) For some reason throughout this past week I keep getting this feeling that I’ve forgotten something. Or lost something. My mind? No... Not this week.
This week, it would be more accurate for me to say that I’ve found my mind. Oh, but I'll lose it again soon enough.

2) A couple of days ago, I heard someone on the bus talking. I won’t say who it was or who they were referring to because it’s totally irrelevant, but anyhow (please excuse the overdramatic documentation of this one-sided conversation):
“LIKE OH MY GOD, she like never talks to me. It’s so because she thinks she’s too good for me. But she’s NOT too good for me!!1!!111!!!!!”
These three sentences (though I’m fairly sure the speaker drew out these three sentences into about ten) make me sick. Ughhh, I could say more about this but I won't bother. Can you say conceited bitch?
And I know that to some extent we are all guilty of talking like this, feeling like this. And that’s sad, sad, sad. It just confirms the fact that we are all irrevocably fucked.

3) Moving on... I received my lovely CD containing several eBooks about Wicca/other ‘magickal’ topics. From eBay.
Somehow just reading about gemstones made me feel so calm and comfortable. Inner peace. Thoughts were going through my mind that I never would have expected to think of – they were way too positive. It put me in kind of a meditative state.

4) I was deciding whether or not I wanted to go to the observatory with my dad and his atheist friends (I wanted to go because I couldn’t remember what the observatory was like, but I didn’t want to be stuck with my dad.)
Actually, I wasn’t really deciding. I can’t even decide a simple thing like that. No, I had to ask other people whether I should.
Then I remembered Tazman and I had a conversation today that involved me talking about how I act towards my parents. The conversation doesn’t matter, but he gave me “homework” for tonight to talk to my dad and be nice.
What a coincidence that today was the day that he said that. But then again, there are no coincidences, right?
So, after considering this plus my state of mind at this stage, I thought, why the fuck not? So I went.

I answered my dad’s questions, I wasn’t mean and I made minimal faces at him while he wasn't looking. That was pretty satisfying, I guess. But something I don’t do often because I seriously can’t. Turns out I shouldn't have gone in the first place since it was totally boring.

5) In the eBook I mentioned, it said something about how you can take control of your life, how you can get everything you desire. It said that once people do this, they’ll never want to just ‘let life happen’ ever again.
And it occurred to me that this is totally wasted on me, because I have no fucking idea what I want. If I can’t decide whether or not I want to go to the observatory or not, how could I possibly decide my own destiny? When my desires all seem to contradict not only each other, but the very essence of life itself..?

6) Another thing I found out... There are supposed to be 12 signs of the zodiac, yeah? Well they're wrong. I am supposed to be a Sagittarius. But at the moment, I'm not.

On your birthday, the sun is meant to be 'in your star sign.' But when people made that up in the 1930s, they didn't know the true cycle of the star signs.

There are really 13 constellations in the cycle. The extra constellation is called Ophiuchus and 'the sun is in it' between the times that Scorpius and Sagittarius are. So I'm close to being it.

But, I'm a Scorpio at the moment. Water, not fire. This is highly disappointing. I mean, it's not like I'm a total believer of the zodiac. But it's something I find interesting, and it's so strange to suddenly find out that what I knew about it is wrong.

Izzy, at the moment you are a Sagittarius. FIRE. Grrr. >{